#Thankful

Well, it’s the season of thanksgiving  And one thing I am thankful for, among many other things, is for the people who read this blog. I am grateful because it’s reassuring to know that my words have an impact on people.

It reaffirms what I said in the post “My Deepest Fear”, that:

I can’t lie to myself anymore that I don’t have something to offer the world…that I am not needed here. That I have nothing to contribute.

The words on this blog are just words, right? But no, the reactions of you all to the things I write definitely make me want to continue. (I myself am surprised at what people say most times. I sure do want to hear more of it!) For the comments, and to those who share the words I’ve written on this blog, thank you!

It’s really humbling that I’ve gotten visitors to this blog from virtually every continent in the world. Here is a current breakdown of the views I have from different countries.

Country Views:

United States 490
United Kingdom 49
Norway 42
Nigeria 21
Pakistan 9
Philippines 7
Canada 7
India 5
France 3
Russian Federation 3
Australia 3
Jamaica 2
Indonesia 2
South Africa 1
Peru 1
Viet Nam 1
Malaysia 1
Taiwan 1
Spain 1

Sure, there are days the blog has zero views, there are days it has 7, there are days it has 22… you get the point! But despite the inconsistencies of the views, I still am thankful. For you & everyone else that stops here once in a while.

Gratitude is something I don’t take for granted. I’ve actually been accused of saying “thank you” a little too much. And I admit, I am guilty! And the things I’m thankful for are things like this: someone clicking a link to something I’ve written!

It does’t look like a lot but it is.

Since July 1st, I’ve been keeping a Gratitude journal: where for each day, I write down things I’m grateful for – for that particular day!

I pen down how grateful I am, for: moments where strangers smile at me, moments of laughter, the privilege that I get to have someone to pick me up if I need a ride somewhere, other several ways that people offer help, and opportunities I myself am grated to help others, ability to finish a project, articles, books I’ve read & are able to read & enjoy, poetry, music, the ability to sleep, to eat, great conversations – with friends  and strangers alike; & those in between, moments I’m able to talk to my family – my Mom and siblings, times I get to bond with my Dad,  moments that I didn’t miss my bus. Or moments I did, and lots of my other HOW FASCINATING moments like this – where I get to laugh at myself. How fascinating!!!

So, all this is my way of saying four words: Thanks, I AM GRATEFUL!

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My Deepest Fear…

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

I am sitting here at the library and thinking to myself, I can’t lie to myself anymore. I am absolutely tired of it. I can’t pretend anymore that I don’t see streets paved with Gold (on this earth mind you) on which my feet will soon walk on… I can’t pretend anymore that I am nothing special. I can’t lie to myself anymore that I don’t have something to offer the world…that I am not needed here. That I have nothing to contribute.

And the greatest fear of mine is to live up to this truth of my uniqueness. There is a spark that has been deposited in me by my Maker, a light that is not meant to be hidden under a bushel. My fear is coming to terms with the reality that I have a voice the angels in Heaven envy, the kind of voice that mountains are more than willing to echo. My fear is being able to stand up confidently in front of the thousands of people I see before me, and being able to believe them when they tell me that they are here to hear what I have to say….

And I have to say, at this moment, I have to try and sniffle as hard as I can to prevent this drop of tear developing in the corner of my eyes from falling down…I’ll excuse myself after I finish writing this!

My greatest fear is owning up to the fact that there is absolutely nothing ordinary about me. And I am sitting here at the library, thinking to myself, “why did it take this long?”

Why did it take this long, to realize that “my playing small does not serve the world.“, that “there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around me.

And so, today I let those fears go….

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. – Marianne Williamson

This is in the spirit of the lessons I’ve learned through my LeaderShape experience, coupled with a lot of self-reflection, especially over the past month. I started keeping a Gratitude Journal at the beginning of this month, and I was stupefied as to how much of life I actually missed before now…the simple little things we count as insignificant! Like the smile of a child, the hellos said by strangers, the fact that someone said “thank you” for something you did for them, laughter, music, poetry, running in the rain, the fact that I had something to bite on, the fact that I was able to run, and catch the bus before it passed by me….

And today, just in the space of 12 hours…I received two news that reminded me that there is something in me that others see, which I’ve refused to see for a long time.

One: One of my poems, which I wrote as a memorial for the victims of the Dana Air Crash that happened on June 3rd in Lagos, (my country) Nigeria, was selected to be included in an Anthology meant to commemorate Dana Airlines Flight 9J-992 from Abuja to Lagos, Sunday June 3, 2012.

Two: The mid-course evaluation of my Philosophy Professor, who at the end of his helpful comments wrote: “Keep up the overall consistently strong work” This is a very challenging class, as a boatload of work has to be done over a period of 5 weeks. Gruesome to say the least! And so far, I’m in the A minus range, and it might stay that way if I, according to my Professor again, continue to “keep up the good work in class!”

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. – Marianne Williamson

As for me, I am done with being fearful of how awesome I am…

MEPHOBIA: Fear of becoming so awesome that the human race can’t handle it, and everyone dies.

…And I give you permission to go do the same.

Life is too beautiful not to dream. This is the purpose of this blog, to document those dreams, and the deeds that are being done as I journey to achieve them. However, I am interested in not only documenting mine, but others’ as well…which leads us all to the next chapter of this journey.

More about that soon….

In the meantime,

If your heart turns blue, I want you to remember
This song is for you, and you are full of wonder